Does it? When you have a baby, your eyeballs are dry, you have a walk like John Wayne due to a swollen vagina, your boobs are either attached to baby or leaking and sleep is a delicious luxury. They say it gets easier, and in some respects it does. For example if you have a reasonably easy birth, your hurty parts go back to unhurty quite quickly, your boobs get unleaky and so on. Not everything gets easier.
This is all sparked by a well meaning lady who had a one year old with her today in the supermarket. Mojo is swinging her legs and blowing raspberries in the Caboo Carrier...
Conversation'Awwwww isn't she a sweety' Lady
'Yes, if you like monsters' Me
'Oh don't worry about it, I was like that, it gets easier you know?' Lady
Enter Eldest who comes down the isle, I'm going to add she has a massive pair of blue fairy wings one, and a side pony 'cause that what the cool kids are doing (or so I've been informed).
'Sqqqqqeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Mum, Mum, Mum, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!!!! Orange or green or blue or green or orange, there was purple but I don't know WHAT kind of milk THAT IS, imagine purple milk HAHAHAHAHAHahahahahaha'
I look up to see 'Lady' looking a bit pale.
'Oh, don't worry, I used to think it got easier too'.
I'm guessing 'Lady' assumed I only had one evil child. I hate to tell you this I have two.
The things that seem to get more complicated :
Meal times, question time, bed time, bath time, nappy time, sex time, quiet time, shopping time, conversation time, time on the phone, the times I'd like to take a poo alone. Locking doors in the house any time.
- Meal times - become a place where Mojo repeated rubs her food in her hair, it's fun.
- Question time - all day long.
- Bed time - Why do I have to go to bed? Are you going to bed? No? Well why do I have to? (also see question time)
- Bath time - 'I'M DROWNING MUMMY' No you aren't I'm looking at you. MORE BUBBLES - while Eldest pours at least half of my shampoo into the bath.
- Nappy time - Also known as 'wiggle while kicking legs, rolling and trying to grab old carp filled nappy', enjoy the placid none movement times of newborn.
- Sex time - Grab it while you can, as soon as either of your pants come of there will be an epidemic of things going on in the kids room. Quick in out.
- Quiet time - I had quiet time once, it never sounded like my house
- Shopping time - military operation, put half of house in handbag, leave all sweaty, come back even sweatier. Forget the things you went for.
- Conversation time - Who is that? Who are you? Where do you live? Do you want to come to my house? Why not mummy? Is it cause you did that fart in the kitchen this morning? ( see question time)
- Phone time - Who's that? Can I speak? Did they ask about me? Why not? Don't they love me? (see conversation time & question time)
- Poop alone - Lock the door did you say? Yes I used to lock the door, till I noticed that every time it was locked bad stuff happened. Like the time Eldest decided that the table needed to be cleaned, with hair gel.
The things that get easier -
- Brown Smudge on hand becomes a Parental Russian Roulette - Chocolate or poop. It has been poop. I've licked poop. I don't care.
- Sick, anywhere, all over. You don't care.
- Getting funny looks from strangers while you children tell them all about the poop/fart/burp you did that morning. It's okay, it's going to happen again.
- Baby crap leaks. All down the legs. While baby wearing, you got it, don't sweat. (see Russian roulette, wipe carefully)
- Laughing, when they are newborn & you have a million visitors and even more advice, you don't know you arse from your elbow everything seems tough. It is. Don't stress, you'll laugh about it at a later date. Laughing is easier.
- Telling people to mind their own goddamn business. You eventually realise, no other mother trucker is raising your children. You are.
- Enjoying little things, I can tell you, I love reading one paragraph from my book guilt free. Yes siry I manage a whole paragraph before some shit happens somewhere.
- You get these magic Momma spidey senses. You don't know what it was that happened, but you know there was something somewhere.
- Drinking a cold coffee & eating cold food. See above list of things that may happen at any given time, if you're trying to do something it's open season on question time!
|After asking 40 million questions|
|After listening to 40 million questions|
If I've missed anything you found easier please feel free to add more!!