Post baby confidence in a tricky ol' thing. Some of you ladies (if you're a man and reading it you're also lucky) will have gotten away totally unscathed. I personally didn't. I got fat, stretch-marks, wobbly bits where there weren't before, bags under my eyes. Decent ones.
Oh yeah, my boobs are definitely not where they were pre-baby. I have a minor sag on my tummy, but it's actually tiny- ish. ( at least that's what I tell myself !! )
I had a time, a while, 3-4 years, in which all I wore was black baggy clothes, I figured this was the best way to hide myself. Away, camouflage. If you can't see it, it's not there. I would try to wear jumpers and cardigans under a coat so I always had something covering my arms and tummy. Instead of feeling protected under all this, I felt like I was drawing even more attention to myself. Queue - living in jogging bottoms (classy I know) & a hoody. Hideous, I don't even know what I was thinking. Well, actually I was thinking - I'm a fat bitch, hide it.
So one day, I got up. I went to the wardrobe and realised I had thrown everything out, everything fitting in any way, this distressed me, I had throw away the old me in a pile of cloth. I went shopping. I bought a pair of jeans and a colour jumper. Colour - oh yes, I got colour. From then on, I have bought a few more bits and pieces with colour, fitted, patterns, snazzy shoes. I noticed that I wasn't helping my frame of mind, I was making me worse. I was the only one who commented on my size. I was the one who huddled in a corner. Tried to shield myself from things that weren't even there. I had to turn this around. So I did, I still have bad days, I look longingly at my joggers, my faithful old wobble hiders. But it's a short path from feeling fantastic to feeling like a beast. So everyday, even if it's just my hair that looks good, there is something. Something about me I love.
Today we are told that as mothers we should have a baby and a tummy tuck at the same time. Cover up our dark circles with plenty of make-up. Be thin. Smile all the time. If we are SAHM's we should be working, if we are working we should be at home. Our houses should be clean - always. We should be able to cook, clean, raise children, earn, be smart, be pretty and sweep the floors while standing on our heads and having sex with our partners.
There are other things but hey, I don't really care anymore.
I don't really care.
I don't care about who is doing what, where and why. I, for the first time in a long time, am a very happy, confident person. Wobbly bits and all. This is because I an no longer trying to cater to all these things.
I am me. No matter if I put on 20 stone, drop down to 5 stone, shave my head, or magically get taller. I wouldn't mind the last one. It's not even just a being a mom thing, sometimes we can all find it hard to summon the confidence to express ourselves. To let ourselves shine.
I've seen a few beautiful posts from blogs I like flashing some flesh. I love it. I love you for doing it. So I'm going to flash mine. Complete with annotations.
No matter who you are, where you are or what you are doing this is for you.