|Can you have too many tiny toes in your life?|
How do you know what your number is? That number of children you want. Is it a selfish choice? Probably. But what is it that makes you think, 'I'm done' or on the other hand 'One more makes 12'.
I've been thinking about this kind of thing a lot, I can see myself with more than 4, I can see myself with 8. Does that mean I should have 8 babies? I don't know. Is this even an issue?
How do you decide? I feel selfish even typing this, the country is already heaving. Should I be adding to that? I think big families are fantastic. I love them. The noise, the dynamics. I adore it. Probably because I am jealous. I will admit it. I'm not in a position to provide comfortably for more than 3 children right now (only have 2, so they are a bit spoilt). Yes I can love them, hug them and keep them clothed, but more than that I would struggle. Is that fair on them? I grew up with not a lot. I don't remember the bad times, I remember tea and toast every night before bed, I remember going on super cheap holidays to visit family and spending it all on the beach. I don't remember going without. I am however sure, now with a parents perspective, that my mother and father probably fretted nightly about bills and things and there is only 3 of us. I'm lucky, I know that I don't have to worry about these things at the moment. However winds change quickly and that could all be gone tomorrow. I could be sitting on the floor eating beans I can scarce afford with bailiffs banging my door. That could happen. What if by that time I do have more children?
Big families and the people with the ability to have them, I applaud you on you being so brave to have them, I am jealous right to my bones. I don't understand how you manage, I want to understand because I want that.
I can't seem to clear the lines between what is selfish, what is wonderful and what is right. How do you know when enough, is enough for you?