So a little bit of background might be needed, last year my Mother left to go to Scotland by herself. She explained that her plan was to get a job and find a house, so that my Vatti (dad) and youngest brother could follow.
9 months pass.
She finds a house, has had a job for a while and it's all go. My dad packs as much as possible into the back of the van (this included 3 large dogs) and off he went. To live out that dream of relaxing with a sea view so close you can taste the salt from the front door, a quieter life a slower jaunt. It's very close. 30 paces tops.
So that stuff happened, after 23 ish years of being down here they leave. That's alright, I don't mind the leaving. It's a natural process, people move on, spread out. Do that, go and experience fancy new shit. I love new shit.
The last few weeks, something wasn't right. No one is blind enough to not notice. We get a text from Vatti, by 'we' I refer to brother and I. That simply says 'Congrats on new job, me and your mom have split up'.
What the fucking nora are you having a bastard joke? Since when in farks name has it been acceptable to text these things? Never that's when. Never.
So this had obvious repercussions. Why am I going to call? Why would I do that? They didn't have the time to call us. I have now turned into petty child.
In truth it was Maternal side that instigated said split.
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| I imagine it to look like this. (borrowed from BrokenHeart) |
So now, I have to ask 'Why?'
If within 1 month of moving why would you do that? Take 2 people and 3 dogs away from their support network only to then realise that you don't really want 1 of them. The one that is for life. The one that is now sleeping in the blady spare living with all his stuff. I should add they have broken up a few times before, for a few months here and there. I'm from that family. This time the word 'divorce' is on the menu.
Obviously I don't agree with people being unhappy in a relationship, no one should do that to themselves. But there is a part of me that is angry, well, pissed off. If someone had moved me 800 miles from my friends and some family then did this to me. I can't quiet imagine the amount of hurt that would cause.It's pride shattering too.
Since then I have had numerous phones calls from one or the other. My hair is filled with secrets.
So now, what's the protocol? What is it that I am supposed to do when I am angry with one side of the party and trying to help the other? I am guessing I need to grow up and get my own shit together.
Am I now from a broken home? Do I get double christmas gifts now? Or, is it business as usual?
Whats the deal?

I am gobsmacked, that is a complete mystery. I have no advice to offer, but I do hope you work it out x
ReplyDeleteThank you :) x
DeleteHow sudden and totally crap :( - I had a similar thing with my mum and step-dad (not quite the same as your dad but been together for 20 years). One day fine (well not fine, but certainly not seemingly about to end everything) then 2 weeks before Xmas she announced she was coming alone to Xmas Day, he was moving to Devon and she was selling up and moving closer to me.
ReplyDeleteThat was 9 months ago and only last weekend after a few glasses of vino did she spill on why and how, and we just sat and absorbed it. It was strange and really shit, but I guess I at least have some perspective on things now. Hope you get that too. :(
And hope blogging about it has helped in some way xxx
The blogging really does help, it's people taking time to give advice like that that really helps! Maybe one day I will get the real answer but for now it's just the basic 'wasn't working'.
DeleteThank you so much x
:( I am useless at advice - or at saying the right thing at the right time so I'll just say 'that's totally crap' and 'I hope you are ok' because I jolly well do x
ReplyDeleteBoth of those totally work for me. Thank you for taking the time to stop by x
DeleteThis sounds one whole bad of hideous mess :( I can't believe that someone would text that stuff but I guess your dad was hurting and didn't know hot to say it....so he just didn't and texted it instead (dad's are pretty useless at that stuff aren't they?) I would say 'no secrets', it's not fair on you. Tell them both that you'll remain impartial and you don't want to hear their 'secrets'....tough one and that probably doesn't help at all. Sorry :( x
ReplyDeleteI meant *bag* not *bad*...obviously
ReplyDeleteI think you are right with the whole texting thing. I can forgive that really. Dad's are a bit poo sometimes lol. It does help actually, if they know I don't want to listen they might stop telling me. On the flip-side they might take us out the loop and we might lose touch on whats going on, something to consider though! Thanks xxx
DeleteI think this is one of those things we can't understand until we've been through it ourselves. "it's not working" is probably the only way to describe a failing relationship as much as we hate to admit it, but until you've tried and experienced it, you never know?
ReplyDeleteComing from someone who's Dad left, twice, the pain doesn't get easier. You just learn to live with it.
Once again, #massivevirtualtwitterhugs
PS - wine helps
PPS - I hope you're okay xx
We can never tell what goes on inside a relationship really. They started out civil, now we are getting the rows. Awful.
DeleteThank you for your comment (again!)
PS - I'm on it!
PPS - I will be xxx