I will keep it brief. We both know you know everything already. Here is my advice to you, these are the things that stick with you forever. They all leave a mark of some kind. Some deeper than others.
- When you get offered the chance to go to art school, you should go. You will always talk about the offer you had not the one you took.
- When you are 18 you will make a very bad decision with a boyfriend - Don't sit by him, don't lick his ear and for godsake don't wear his baggy combat fleece tracksuit. I can't begin to tell you how fucking stupid you will look.
- You go on a night out and your drink gets spiked. Stay still. Don't move. The boy you friendzoned for years will keep you safe until you can finally stand again. You will eventually lose touch with when you are 25 - but always stay grateful. Don't worry to much though, he sends you an email at 3am on New Years after he proposes to his 5 year girlfriend 'You'll always be the one that got away'.
- You are going to fail your accountancy module on your degree. Let it slide. You will pass everything else beautifully.
- Suki - your friend of 10 years will disappear forever after a mixed faith relationship going badly. The last time you grab a coffee and she hugs you will be the last time you see her. Hold on to her for one more second. When she said 'bye' not 'see you on Monday' - she meant it.
- You will lose a ring. The ring that you thought you'd always have. Y'know the one. You have it on now. Big, silver, three heart settings and it makes you feel like a princess. You will also lose a set of earrings that your Nana gave you, both of your engagement rings (will tell you that story another time) and your beautiful silver plate and spoon from your grandparents. It's okay because at your Nana's 75th birthday she thought she gave the earrings away to a charity shop anyway.
- You're going to get very fat. Then thinner. Then fat again. Then thinner. You will be happier at 27. Yes, it really does take you 7 years. Sorry kidda.
- I know how you feel in your GCSE math exam. I'm sorry that we made that mistake. I'm sorry his family were shit and I'm even more sorry that you're in pain. I'm not sorry we made the decision to terminate - it was then and always will be for the best. My tip for that day is use maternity pads, a night towel isn't enough but no one will tell you. You're going to fail that exam - don't worry it won't hold you back.
- Your mum doesn't know best and she will continue to be unreliable. You will need a thick skin and prepare to fight for what is best for you and eventually your children (yes, you have some). You fall for it repeatedly. You are too forgiving. At 27 you will scream at the top of your lungs 'get the fuck out of my house'. It will feel good.
- Finally and most importantly I know that you always think you know best - you don't. Your mistakes will be phenomenal, life changing and you will be just fine. Oh and don't roll your eyes at me dickhead, I don't care if it's a cliché. Remember I know all your secrets. Prat.
What one piece of advice would you give yourself?